I talk to so many women who have “dreams, goals, and aspirations,” however, are having a hard time moving forward in their lives. Or maybe they are moving forward, however, not as quickly as they would like. Perhaps it’s an issue of time or circumstance, but many times, it’s just plain, old fear.
Fear can be so incredibly paralyzing…and seemingly anonymous. You may say, “I don’t know why I can’t just get going,” or “I don’t know why I haven’t left this job,” or “I just can’t seem to lose this weight.” And because we many times don’t identify it, we don’t address it, and we live day in, day out, in “someday.”
Here are 3 of the most common fears women have that have us settling for less:
1. Fear of being alone. Some settle for a man, any old man, just because they are scared of being alone. Too many of us would rather have a job-less, goal-less, do-nothing coach potato, than risk being alone. They don’t seem to take into account that they AREN’T alone; that they have family and friends who love, care, and value them. It’s a beautiful thing to be okay with yourself enough to be alone for an extended period of time. Sometimes, this alone time is even necessary for your growth. Maybe the kind of personal growth God wants to see in you can only happen when you’re alone.
“…Lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.” Matthew 28:20 [KJV] He was with us when we were born, and He is with us now. Maybe if you grow your relationship with Him you won’t feel so alone? A man can only be with us, he can’t dwell IN us. Only the Holy Spirit can do that. Perhaps that’s what we crave, what our spirit craves, however, we mistakenly attribute that to craving the presence of a fallible man. The Holy Spirit will never fail us.
“…For your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him.” [NLT] God knows when you have a desire for companionship, a boyfriend, or a husband and He wants you to trust Him to provide and not go renegade trying to provide for yourself. THAT’S when you end up getting LESS; you cannot get a better mate than the one God could provide for you.
“Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.” Phillipians 4:11 [NLT] Learn to be satisfied with your manlessness. You can do this by not worrying about it; instead praying for what you want, telling God what you need and thanking Him for all He has done. (See Phillipians 4:6) Do this consistently, and you will learn to be satisfied with your life as it is. This exercising of your faith opens doors for God to do more in your life and give you more of what you need.
2. Fear of not being good enough (or unworthy or undeserving). When you don’t feel you are good enough, you are not confident, and certainly not confident enough to operate on the level you are capable, so you settle. You settle for a lower paying job with less responsibility. You may settle for not looking your best and let your hair, skin, nails, weight, and overall health, GO. You have got to begin to believe that whoever told you that you aren’t good enough, lied. You have got to believe that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. (See Psalm 139:14)
You are so fearfully and wonderfully made that “every hair on your head had been counted.” Matthew 10:30 [GWT] You MUST be good enough if our Father knows every hair on your head! So, if you don’t believe you are good enough, who told you that? Who made you feel that way? It certainly wasn’t God! So who do you want to spend the rest of your life believing, this person or people, or God?
If God gave you the most precious gift, how would you care for it? Would you neglect it? Let it collect dust? Let just anyone handle it? Or would you cherish it? Keep it up high so it wouldn’t get broken or damaged? You are that gift. You must treat yourself that way. Even before you feel it, do it. Begin to take care of yourself the way you know He wants you to and you will begin to feel that you are worthy of all that He has in store for you. “Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself….” 1 Corinthians 6:19 [NLT] Take care of yourself and your relationship with Him and you will begin to believe your are good enough, worthy, and deserving of all the plans He has for you. (See Jeremiah 29:11)
3. Fear of loss of security. Yes, this is one fear that is so prevalent, however, we don’t talk as much about it as the other fears. You may stay at an awesome paying job that you hate because you are scared that you won’t find another job that pays as well and allows you to maintain your lifestyle. You continue to live with your boyfriend even though the relationship has gone sour because he pays half the bills and you rely on that financial support. You may even keep the same hairstyle because you are well-known for having such a great ‘do that you don’t want to risk losing any admiration, or identify, associated with your hair. Yes, the fear of the loss of security is quite real.
“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” Phillipians 4:19 [NLT] Whatever you need, God’s got it! You need a house? God’s got it! You need a car? God’s got it! You need your own business? God’s got it! You need children? God’s got it! Whatever you need, God’s got it! Find your security in Him. “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” Matthew 21:22 [NIV] All you have to do is ask Him for what you need, and if you are living and asking in His will (nothing sinful), and believe He is able, He will provide it for you. You must have faith.
Let me end with this: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7 [NLT] If you have these fears, or any others, know that these fears are not of God. Be willing to exchange your fear for faith, and once you do, continue to grow in your faith so that fear will remain at bay.
If you liked this post, you may also like “Do You REALLY Believe?” Also, my book Grown & Virtuous: 28 Simple Lessons to Unveil the Spiritual Diva In You is available on Amazon and on Kindle.