Just as like attracts like, broke attracts broke. It’s just an alternate way to look at the Law of Attraction. Whether it be emotional brokenness, financial brokenness, or any other kind of brokenness, broke attracts broke. That’s just how nature works.
And I think it’s kind of interesting how it works in relationships…and it may not manifest the way you would think it would. Take me for instance: I had had abandonment issues from childhood. I felt (the way you perceive and believe things as a child has the strong likelihood of shaping your future) abandoned by my biological father AND my adoptive father. A double whammy! My biological father was not available to me physically or emotionally and my adoptive father was not available to me emotionally. Can you imagine what that can do to a little girl?
So, fast forward through the years, I had unresolved issues that began to surface. I had known since my early college
days that I had abandonment issues, but thought I had resolved them on my own. NOT! (Funny how we think we can just hop up and heal ourselves on our own sometimes. How we do that?) I could not have been more wrong! See, we attract people–friends, spouses, etc.–according to “what lurks beneath.” Yeah, yeah, we are attracted by the outer, but it’s the hidden innards that attract each other, even on an emotional, subconscious level.
Okay, so back to my story. I attracted a man who left me not once, but twice. THAT was when I realized that I still had abandonment issues. Lord, I fell ALL to pieces! But this time, it felt worst than my biological father abandoning me. For Pete’s sake, it was MY HUSBAND! My life partner! My supposed forever man! HE wasn’t supposed to leave! But he did–twice. And I attracted that. My brokenness was screaming to be healed and it attracted whatever in him that provided that opportunity. My fear of abandonment (my brokenness) attracted his need to abandon (his brokenness). See how that works? Better yet, see how God works? God provided this opportunity for our healing and deliverance and I will be forever grateful.
So, I said he left twice. After the first time (after he was gone for 1 year and 9 months), I had ample time to deal with my abandonment issues. I had time to deal with it and heal. (Remember my last post, Heart Scars?) Then, he came back and left again! This time, there was no sting. There was no devastation. There was no falling all to pieces. My world didn’t come to an end. My fear of being abandoned was gone and I was still here, standing…in God’s grace. And I was just fine!
God had me all along, but I just hadn’t received that in my spirit.
Too many of us attract brokenness in men and relationships because there is something in US that needs to be healed. Being with them, dealing with them, brings our own broke, deep rooted, deep seated issues to the surface, not so that we can keep attracting the same broke men to heal THEM, but so that WE can address our own broke, deep rooted, deep seated issues so that WE can heal. And when we heal, we will stop attracting this brokenness, because the brokenness will no longer be in us.
Keep in mind, we can have more than one broken area. And each broken area will need to be addressed and healed before that particular cycle of attraction stops.
And this is exactly why it is important to take time for self-discovery and healing. But no; we want to jump from one relationship to the next with the SAME brokenness and expect things to be different. That’s crazy! Things won’t be different if YOU aren’t different! It won’t kill you to be alone to get yourself together so that you quit attracting messy drama–and that’s all it is, messy drama. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been around too long to repeatedly deal with messy drama! (I’m not talking about normal conflict that occurs in healthy relationships. I’m talking about straight drama.)
Side note: Some people actually thrive on the messy drama. Some people actually need the chaos, the pain, the craziness of dysfunctional, unhealthy relationships. That’s just how their psyche is. I’m not one of those people; my goal is for peace and love. So, if you need CRAZY, you have come to the wrong place. I no longer do crazy.
So I urge you, my sisters, take some time to discover what’s lurking deep down (fear of abandonment, rejection, being cheated on, taken advantage of, being unloved and unwanted, being alone, undervalued and unsupported, invisible and unheard, not being good enough, judgment, irresponsibility, etc). Start by considering the men and your relationships, and consider what you are attracting. Realize what is being brought to the surface in YOU so that you can deal with it and heal. This applies to single, married, and divorced women. All of us can improve our lives if we just take the time to address and heal OUR brokenness a little at a time.
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