There was a time when all I had was my God, my mom, my baby daughter, and my faith. Of course I had my ride or die friends, but we were all young and they were trying to make it, just like I was. But, being in my early twenties, with a new baby, I was a Christian, but obviously not perfect. I was saved since an early age, so I always knew about God, but I didn’t KNOW Him, and had actually only heard Him speak to me a few times…that I could remember. Being a new mom, I wanted to do everything for my child; I wanted to be a great mom. But, I wasn’t equipped. I was a college graduate, but I worked at a hotel making very little money. And this is when I began to see God moving in my life.
My baby was transitioning from breast milk to formula and I was just about out of money. Literally. It would be another 10 days until I got paid and I had $10 left to my name, a can of beans, a half a loaf of bread, some butter, and some cereal–frosted flakes, I think…and a half a tank of gas. My baby had half a can of formula left.
Now THAT struggle was real.
I was determined I was going to figure it out on my own. I was a mom now. I couldn’t keep asking my own mom for help, although she would have gladly. But, I wanted to finally start to grow up. So I prayed and I prayed for God’s help and a solution. I prayed that we both would be fed and be okay. Let me give you the scenario: I was in my early twenties, had an infant, lived hours away from my closest relative, made almost no money, had no skill and no direction, and had dealt with…all kinds of people. In the midst of all of this, and after my prayers to God for His help, I got a phone call from a friend of my baby’s father. He asked me how my baby and I were doing. I told him that we were okay, that we were running low on money, but that we were good.
Then he made this crazy offer to me.
He offered to give me $2000, if I had sex with him. Whaaat? I didn’t give him an answer immediately. I told him to give me 48 hours and I’d let him know. Then I started praying. I prayed, “Lord, I know I asked You for help. I know this can’t be the help that You’re sending me. I know that You don’t want me to have sex for money, not even to feed myself or my child. I KNOW this isn’t Your way. But what else am I supposed to do?” I continued to pray and cry and pray and cry and then I heard God speak to my spirit. He simply said, “Trust Me.” And so I did.
I was still panicked because I’m the kind of person that likes to know where my blessings are coming from, and this time I didn’t know. But God was asking me to have faith in Him, to believe in Him, so I did. I didn’t take the whole 48 hours. After a few hours of praying and crying, I called the guy back and told him that I would NOT be taking him up on his offer. I looked over at my daughter and immediately knew it was the right decision. I couldn’t try to teach her the “right” way to do things or try to be any kind of example if I did that (had sex for money). Before she was born, I had made a decision to never lie to her, so I wanted to always be able to tell her the truth about who was, and I knew I wouldn’t have been able to tell her that. I hung up the phone and cried some more. Sure enough, she ran out of formula and I was almost out of food. I went to the grocery store and bought her a can of formula–my baby was fine. Now I had about a dollar left and days to go. I prayed again, because I was down to even less food now and pay day was still days away.
And then it happened. I got a check in the mail! I don’t remember now where I got it from; if it was in a card for me, or tax refund, or what, but I remember getting a check in the mail and praising God like never before because I KNEW it was nothing but God! That’s all I remember about that check: that God did it. And won’t He do it everytime? That was one of the first HUGE lessons that I learned: to have faith and trust in God and believe Him when I hear Him speaking to me. I was beginning to listen to Him talk to my spirit. I was beginning to recognize His voice. And I learned that
if you have enough faith, it will put you on the other side of desperation.
In fact, faith will also put you on the other side of despair, loneliness, brokenness, broke, grief, and just about any other feeling or situation where you need to trust and believe in God. He said to ask Him for anything, and if you have faith, if you believe, you will receive it. (See James 4:3, Matthew 21:22, Mark 11:24.) This is just one of the first of many times that I saw no way and God made a way out of no way. Just when I can’t see which direction my blessings are coming from, God sends them from unexpected places. After all, He did say, “…lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world….” Matthew 28:20 [KJV] He shows me everyday that He is with me.
My suffering is never for no reason; it’s always a learning experience, a trusting experience, a way God builds me to do His work. My tests become testimonies to help others, and for this I am grateful and don’t mind serving Him in this way at all. Keep pressing on. Keep having faith. Let your faith take you to the other side of your situation. And remember, just as God was there for me, and IS there for me, He’s there for you, too.
In faith, hope, and love,
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