So, it’s done. I got my letter in the mail today; my divorce is final. I’ve announced that to my children, my mother, and one of my besties, but that’s it. And they all had pretty much the same question, “ARE YOU OKAY?” and that was a legitimate question. Was I okay? All things considered, I’d have to say, yes, I’m okay. But that’s the short version. The long version is this:
I thought I had mixed feelings, but I don’t. I grieved for my marriage for probably the last half of my 7-year marriage, so I’m not grieving now. While I believe it’s sad when any marriage has to end, I’M NOT SAD. I’m not glad, I’m not devastated, I’m not angry (usually), I’m not bitter, I’m not lonely, I’m not confused, I’m not vengeful, I’m not hurt–I’M JUST FREE. I’m free to proudly wear my locs and anything else I chose to wear. I’m free to laugh at what I think is funny. I’m free to sleep in late if I want to. I’m free to vacation if I chose to. I’m free to have off-the-wall ideas, tell stupid jokes, and chase my dreams. And above all, I’m free to do what God tells me to do, in the direction He leads, and in the way He chooses for me to do it. I’m free to just be me.
While I don’t have mixed feelings, I do have mixed thoughts. I believe that had I been the woman I am today, RIGHT NOW, one of two things would have happened: 1) either I would not have married in the first place, or 2) as a daughter of the Most High, I would have commanded and demanded a lot more and therefore, my divorce may not have occurred. But then, too, I have to consider my rare personality, and I know now that things had to happen the way they did for me in order for my growth. I had to make all the mistakes I made in order for me to learn what I needed to learn in order to grow and evolve, and I can’t even begin to tell ALL that I have learned about marriage and relationships, about the influence childhood and parents have on our adult lives and marriage, about forgiveness and compromise, about womanhood and wifehood, about God-confidence and self-confidence, about fairness and reciprocity, about love and being in love, and so much more. The lessons that I learned are invaluable and for this, I thank God.
You see, I prayed before I got married and was convinced that God told me I was to marry this man. While there were naysayers and others who were blatantly allowed to speak against our marriage and drop all brands of negativity into our marriage, I remained steadfast on that one fact: that this marriage was God’s will for both of us and that we were both supposed to learn from each other and grow together and do great things in God’s name. I came to know that our marriage was an opportunity to remedy some outstanding issues we each had with some people and to finally free ourselves from some demons of each of our pasts. Our marriage was to be the setting for so much healing and growth, so much fulfillment, and so many breakthroughs. But as you know, God will provide the opportunity, and it’s up to us to seize it and make the very most of it. Or, simply put, as they say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.
How do I feel about marriage now? I think marriage is an absolutely wonderful creation of God! When done according to His will, it is the most amazing lifelong experience a person and couple can have. So how is it that my divorce sets well with me? Only because I have made peace with it. I know that divorce is not of God. And I also know that the “marriage” that we ultimately had was not of God either. And, as I mentioned in Strong, Separated, and Celibate, I learned from a passage in the Bible that if a person wants to go, let him go. There are many things that were, and are, within my control, and that quite frankly wasn’t one of them. So, unfortunately there were only 2 options: 1) a Godless marriage or 2) divorce. Praise God the choice was made for me.
So where do I go from here? Wherever God leads and I’m excited to see where that is. Will I marry again? When God says so, yes. Am I ready to date? Not really, not yet. Not even interested at this point. What’s the one thing I regret? If I regret anything, it’s not learning all those lessons at warp speed. What’s the greatest lesson I learned? To ALWAYS put GOD first and foremost, before everything and everyone, including my husband and to work to please God, because if God is for me, who can be against me? I learned that I needed to “pray without ceasing” for-real-for-real, and take time to meditate and be still, to really listen to what God had to say to me. Another extremely important lesson is to never, ever give up mySELF, give up who I am, for any man; to always be ME no matter what and at all costs. What’s one thing that I would say to my now ex-husband? Nothing really, but if I had to say something, it would be, “Take care and God be with you.”
That about wraps it up. If you have any comments, feel free to leave them below. If you have any questions, click here and ask away! Until next time,