I know that marriage is designed by God. I know that it is His will for His people to be fulfilled in their marriages. I know that God does not like divorce, but it is permitted. But what I find interesting is that the Bible doesn’t really talk about separation. Knowing the little I know about the Bible, and from what I know about God, it’s safe to say that He doesn’t like separation either.
But, now that I am separated for the second time in my very troubled marriage, I have to say that I have a renewed mind regarding my perspective on many things, particularly the topic of love and God’s will for my life. I am learning to find answers and guidance from the Bible during this particular chapter in my life and I must say that it has been quite helpful. In 1 Corinthians 7:15 [NLT] for instance, it reads, “But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, LET THEM GO (emphasis mine)….” This was a HUGE lesson for me that started me on my own journey toward healing, health, and happiness. I finally knew where I was going wrong. I finally knew and understood what I had to do–I had to let go. Lesson: Don’t hold onto people that don’t want to be held onto. Let them go.
Which brought me to another dilemma: How can I still be a wife although I’m separated? The answer was a concept that I shared with hundreds of women before, but now, for me, it’s on a whole other level. Funny though, it’s still the same answer:
Being a wife has more to do with God than it has to do with having a husband.
What did this mean for me? Well, I know the kind of woman I want to be. And God is still my God, my Creator, my Heavenly Father. I was a woman first and a wife second, but God made me both. I am still legally married and so I know God still sees me as married. So how should I conduct my life? I believe God would not want me conducting myself like a single woman: free to date whomever and whenever. And at the same time, He does not expect me to be about my wifely duties to an estranged husband because when you let them go, you LET THEM GO. So basically, I am to live a godly life, to the best of my abilities, without bringing shame to myself first or my estranged husband. God has been faithful to me and I must strive to be faithful to Him. And what became even more crystal clear is this:
God allowed this because He has plans for me.
I think my Father has required my attention for a long while now, however, I had not given it fully to Him. For the majority of my marriage, I was focused on my marriage and my husband, oftentimes neglecting God and myself. And in doing so, in striving to be the perfect wife (in my own strength), I was not the woman God was calling me to be and was not doing what He purposed for my life. My life had very little-to-no balance or happiness. Now, because I am “seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness” (Matt. 6:33) I am stronger. I am more connected with God and His will for my life as Joy. Not “Joy the wife” or “Joy the mother,” just Joy. I believe that God has a purpose for all of our lives. His will is for me to be a good wife and a good mother, but that’s not the purpose He gave me. Now, because of my separation, I am free to be about God’s business without worry, shame, or distraction and I can let God handle the issues of my marriage that I obviously could not.
I praise God that I have more clarity now, far less pain, and He has honored my request to have certain human desires repressed. To spell it out for you: I am focused more on my own healing, health, and happiness and my desire to help others on their own paths of healing, health, and happiness and my desires for dating and mating are repressed. Whenever I am again in such a time and space as to have a marriage designed by God, I’m sure those particular desires will be in full bloom, but as for now, they have no place in my life. Is that normal? Hmmm, I don’t know. All I know is that I prayed for God to repress those desires because I did not want to go down that road, and He honored my prayers. When you ask Him for something that’s in His will, He will grant it. (Matt. 21:22)
So I say to you: even if what God instructs you to do looks like the complete opposite of what you should do, TRUST Him. You already know that He moves in mysterious ways and that your ways are not His ways. But trust Him. I am trusting Him and I am now stronger than I have been in years! I give Him all the glory for the incredible changes He’s making in me and my life. What may seem like an awful situation to some has been a blessing to me and I thank God for it ALL!
In healing, health, & happiness,
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