Question for Joy:
Why is it a big deal to have sex with a married man? No one is playing games.
Its a friendship, knowing that it can’t go any further. At least the
relationship is based on honesty and truth.
Well, first of all, there are two issues going on here: 1) the marriage between a husband and wife and 2) the “mistress.” For the first issue, marriage is a more than just vows between a man and a woman. Marriage was created by God, a covenant made before God, a sacred relationship which was meant to include God. God intended for one man to be with one woman and for both to exist in Him. Nothing is to ever violate that Godly union. Anything that husband needs in a woman, he should get from his wife. Anything a wife needs in a man, she should get from her husband. All others are to be forsaken. So when someone steps outside God’s design for marriage, it is literally a sin, a crime, and a shame. Since you asked specifically about a married man, I will answer from that viewpoint. The married man, aside from sinning, is flawed in so many ways. You mentioned honesty. He’s not being honest if he’s cheating. He’s living a lie. He’s living a lie with the woman he’s cheating with, with his wife, with his children (if he has any), and whomever else he is hiding his relationship with his mistress from. He’s even lying to himself if he believes that he isn’t lying. And truth? There simply is no truth in lying. He is delusional and so is the woman he is cheating with.
Furthermore, he’s a coward. It takes a courageous, strong, sensitive man with conviction, to be true to his wife. It takes a real man to be able to take the time to find in his wife what he needs in a woman. If his wife has cheated on him or abandoned him, then according to the Bible, he can divorce her. But, if this is not the case, then he must search deep within himself to find God in himself so that he can then find God in her. A good man lives up to his obligations and his word. And, a husband is obligated to his wife above all else (aside from God, of course) and he gave his word when he vowed to love her for better or worse, richer or poorer, til death parts them.
THAT’S why is wrong for a married man to have sex with a woman other than his wife.
Refer to 1 Corinthians 6:13-20, 1 Corinthians 7:1-15, and Matthew 19:4-6.
Now, as for the woman the married man is cheating with…why? Why contribute to the problems between a woman and her husband? This woman is a distraction. This woman is an outsider to the marriage. This woman is allowing her temple to be used by Satan. Simply put, this woman is allowing herself to be used as a blow-up doll (and just as easily discarded) and she doesn’t even see it. Does this woman think he has her back? He doesn’t! As soon as she needs him, he’s gone! Why? Because the fun is gone. Because the “no strings attached” idea is gone. Love? Please. That’s not love, that’s lust. It’s important for women to know the difference. This woman is letting herself be used and she’s deluded into thinking that she’s getting something worthwhile out of it. What could she possibly be getting that’s worthwhile? Twenty spare minutes from a man who wants to jump up and down on her then go back and play family with his wife? I wonder what kind of self-esteem this woman has that allows her to be treated this way; that allows her to settle for his sloppy leftovers; that allows her to be deluded? Most of us have dibbled and dabbled in sexual immorality, but, as far as “humans” are concerned, it’s “extra bad” when you are “sexing” someone else’s man. TRUST ME WHEN I TELL YOU: NOTHING good can come from that kind of shallow, meaningless, lust-full relationship. I only hope that this woman learns to truly honor herself and becomes the woman God created her to be, and this cannot happen if she is still selling herself short by having sex with a married man.
P.S. I appreciate your question. I hope I answered your question sufficiently.