Some sista somewhere is going to read the title and say, “Hmmm, I’ll read on, but that’s not me.” Read on, sista, read on. I sincerely hope it’s not you, but it may be. Heck, before I knew such a thing existed as a layaway sista, I was already one myself!
Oh, I had a man. He was nice, tall, fine, decent in bed, yada yada yada. But something was missing. I didn’t have all of him. Heck, I didn’t even have most of him! I was good to him. I did EV-ER-Y-THING I thought I was supposed to do as a good woman, as a great woman, as his great woman. I cooked (and I don’t cook), I cleaned, I kept myself up, I was supportive of his ventures, etc. You name it, I was there…johnny-on-the-spot. I did the darn thang!
He didn’t really want me, but he didn’t want anyone else to have me either. He knew I was a good woman, so he wanted to keep me around until he decided what he really wanted to do with me. So what he did was give me a verbal commitment…of sorts…then he pretty much did whatever he wanted to do. He did just enough to keep me, just barely enough. Never enough to make me happy, only enough to keep me around. All the while I was being his Superwoman, he was being Flash Gordon. And the sad thing is that since I was so in love, I didn’t even see it until I had had enough of the secrecy, enough of the excuses, enough of the game playing, enough of the ducking and dodging, enough of the lies, enough of the cheating, enough of the neglect, enough of the picking arguments…JUST ENOUGH! The random dates, the random sex, and sparse gifts just weren’t enough anymore and I began to really, really, pay attention to what was going on. And I didn’t like it. It wasn’t me, and I deserved better. Sure, I brought it to his attention, but nothing changed. And since nothing changed, I made the decision to change. I got out.
Does this sound familiar to you? Ask yourself these questions to see if you are on layaway:
1. Are you happy in your relationship? If not, why not?
2. How much of yourself do you put into the relationship? Do you get the same back from him? If not, why not?
3. After being out doing non-work related activities, does he come/go home at a decent hour?
4. Does he, at times, ignore you or avoid you for no apparent reason?
5. Does he accuse you of things you aren’t doing?
6. Does he give you a reasonable amount of positive attention without making you feel bad about it later?
7. Does he spend quality time with you on a regular basis?
8. Does he have periods of time that are unaccounted for?
9. Does he pick arguments with you for no apparent reason?
10. Do you catch him in too many lies?
11. Does he have lots of secrets?
12. Does he have lots of double standards?
13. Exactly what does he do that keeps you around? Could you do these things for yourself?
For questions 1, 2, 3, 6, 7, if you answered “no” to at least 3 of these questions–and for questions 4, 5, 8, 9,10, 11, 12 you answered “yes” to at least 3 of these questions, I’m sorry my dear, you just may be a sista on layaway. Question 13 is to get you to evaluate whether you are selling yourself short.
If you have determined that you are unfortunately a sista on layaway and know that you have been “bringing IT”, I want you to know that you deserve to be someone’s first and only choice every darn day of the week! Find the courage to confront the issue and make the necessary changes that will celebrate your worth. Life is too short to be on layaway, stored away on some shelf, taken down and dusted off on occasion, until maybe, just maybe your true value is realized some day. Say “nah, heck naw” to such a pitiful arrangement and learn to command more, settling for nothing less than the best. Every Superwoman deserves a Superman.
Be a friend to someone and share this with her. Someone needs to reevaluate her situation.
In celebration of you,