I was watching a movie this past weekend, “BIG MOMMA: Like Father, Like Son,” and in this movie there is a scene where a girl gets a text from her boyfriend that says, “need space.” She immediately explodes into tears and her friends try to comfort her by telling her that that’s not what he really meant; they proceeded to read all kinds of emotional stuff into what he said to let her know that he’s just confused or going through some stuff right now. She immediately felt better, but then the “Like Son” character basically says, “Are you kidding me? He said, ‘need space,’ so he needs space!” And, again, the girl became upset.
How many times, ladies, do men show us something, then confirm it with their mouths, and we STILL want to interpret it as meaning something else in our favor? We are bad about this. Yes, I said “we.” There have been a few times in my life where I ignored what I saw, and instead believed what I wanted to believe. I wasted a lot of time and experienced a lot of long term heartache because of it. And so I have learned. There is a secret formula to deciphering this madness. The secret formula is this:
If what a man does agrees with what he says, then you can generally believe what he says. If what he does, does NOT agree with what he says, then believe what he is showing you, not what he is telling you. Remember, men are far more simple than we are. There’s not really a whole lot to decipher there.
You may be deeply hurt in the “short run,” but, trust me, heeding to this formula pays off in the “long run.”
Here’s another, more infamous example. Remember in the movie “Waiting To Exhale” how Bernadette (Angela Bassett’s character) gave her husband 12 years? She gave up her career to help him launch his business, when all along he was showing her that he was about only himself (pursuing his career, having at least one affair, not contributing to his wife’s well being or their marriage). I don’t know what he had been telling her for 12 years, but he definitely showed her that he didn’t really want her as a wife. But she hung in there, as many of us do, hoping that things will change, that HE will change. He won’t. A man wants what he wants, any man will tell you that. When you apply the secret formula to your situation, you’ll end your confusion, and you’ll know what to do: move forward or move on.
To your ultimate happiness,
I agree that is more easily said than done. I think it require you the individual to be strong overall. Clearly we men and women do not speak the same language. How do we differentiate between what is or is not saying/doing or wht we think? is yur married and your husband doesnt help you out plays on the phone all day with other females time and time again, but says he want this relationship to work something here doesnt match should they just get a divorce because “we can do bad all by ourselves”?