It’s been over a year since I last wrote. Sometimes you have to just be still and let God work with you…and He has indeed been working with me. This is my truth…my journey….
In late summer 2015, my divorce became final. It became final, and I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted to do next. What I DID know, was that I needed to honor myself by listening to myself, and learning what I truly wanted and needed. I knew that I could only learn this without distraction, which meant that I would make the conscious decision NOT to date. My not “dating” was not because I was scared of relationships or because I all of a sudden hated men, it was because I realized that whenever I really accomplished anything in my life (with the important exception of having my daughters), it was as a single woman. So, in order to gain the utmost clarity in my life, I would have to go it alone.
Lesson #2533, realize what your distractions are and eliminate them when possible.
So, at that point, I chose not to date for 6 months. And since I wasn’t dating, that also meant that I was abstinent. Then, January 2016 came and I took a deep breath and said to the Lord, “Let’s begin again.” But what I began shortly thereafter wasn’t dating. It was moving forward with my life. I decided in February 2016 that I wanted to go for my “dream” house within the next two years. I discussed this with my youngest daughter, and she asked, “Two years? Two years? Why not ONE year? Why not THIS year?” At first I was panicked. But, then I prayed about it and knew that I should not let fear stop me. So asked God, “How can I do this?” No answer.
Lesson #2543, step out on faith.
I searched for the home I had been eyeballing for years and found it in a nearby city, or so I had thought. When it came time to begin the process in the summer of 2016, I discovered that the builder was no longer building my floor plan ANYWHERE. I very literally sat in the middle of my bed and cried my heart out. I hadn’t cried that hard in years. But then I felt God touch my heart and I knew He was there, so I dried my eyes, and said, “Okay, God, I KNOW You have something better. You wouldn’t allow this to be kept from me without having something better.” I continued to pray, then I heard, “Get up.” So I got up and began again.
I found another place and another house. I was excited. By September I had signed the contract, then everything went left. While I was paying stuff off, saving money, and making the down payment, every other time I spoke with the builder it was “no, no, no, I don’t know, no we can’t do that.” I began to feel trapped. I wanted out of the contract, but to breach the contract, I would have had to forfeit the thousands I had already paid. I had been praying all along, but THIS time I prayed for a miracle. “Lord, if this is not the house that You want me to have, get me out of this contract!” Then it happened. The builder breached the contract and I was free…with a full refund! Praise God! Won’t He do it?
Lesson #2555, you have not because you ask not.
God was still in the miracle business! Hallelujah!
And in December 2016, just after Christmas, I was blessed to find another house! Seek and ye shall find! But, it was quite the faith walk. It was questionable as to whether I made enough to afford the house, then the mortgage company was sure I couldn’t afford it, I was going to have to sell my current house, pay off half of my debt, give an arm, a leg, and a child (okay, not this last part, but you get the picture), etc. etc. But, the whole time, I KNEW God was going to work it out because I had faith and stood on His word.
Lesson #2565, encourage yourself in the Lord.
I posted scripture on my mirror and on the lamp on my night table and read daily. The very few times I panicked or doubted, I stood on the scripture and cried out to the Lord to help me. And I remained as obedient as I could.
Lesson #2574, follow instructions.
Okay, so I knew that I wasn’t supposed to be in another relationship during this time. So, of course, I knew I was supposed to not just be abstinent, but to be celibate. So, I’ve been celibate now for a minute. Just to be clear, the whole abstinent-turned-celibate period now has been a grand total of just over 2 1/2 years. Yeah, that’s me. But I had to ask myself, “What are you willing to give up to move your life forward? Are you willing to make the hard, drastic decisions?” Heck yeah! So, I gave up MEN…and sex.
I also knew I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone, not a soul. So for this 1 1/2 year process, I didn’t tell anyone who God did not place in position to help me. So, only my youngest daughter knew (of course) and my oldest daughter knew soon after because she was my realtor. (Look at God! Won’t He do it?) That’s all I told. Not my mother, aunt, besties…NO ONE.
In this time I have learned quite a few things:
- I really CAN do ANYTHING with God’s help.
- My life really isn’t all about me. It’s time to serve more people in a greater way.
- Sex really is meaningless unless it’s with someone who’s God sent.
- My happiness really does begin with me looking to God.
- Keep proper perspective, which is to keep my eyes and ears on God. If God said it will be, it doesn’t matter how it looks or what anyone says. Stay focused on Him and do what He tells me to do.
- Sometimes God’s miracles develop best in silence. I was to keep His work to myself until it was completed. I didn’t need (and He didn’t want me to hear) extra commentary from people He did not send to help me.
- When God gives me something, He will also provide a way for me to keep/manage it. Just when the loan officer said I couldn’t afford my house, God increased my income and made my house affordable. Look at God! Won’t He do it?
Lesson #2588, keep going.
I got tired. I was tired of working and working extra. I was tired of wanting and waiting. I was tired of emailing and faxing documents, getting my hopes up, and just tired of thinking about it. But then I noticed that it was really happening. About right at a year from the time I decided to do this, I was walking the lot I had signed my second contract on. Then about a month later the foundation was set. I was excited! I started going weekly, then one night I noticed the walls were going up. I cried. I was so happy that I snot-cried. God was renewing–and growing–my faith step by step. Every week I went by my house and almost every week there was progress. And every time my daughter and I went to see our house we prayed. We gave thanks, continued to claim it, asked for God to bless and keep the workers, asked for us to keep the faith and stay strong and obedient. And above all, from day one, I prayed that God’s will be done. We kept going. I kept going.
On June 23, 2017, after almost a year and a half after making the decision to buy another house, God made it happen. It’s not my “dream” home; it’s better. It has everything I asked God for from the rooms in the house (movie room, office, home gym, etc), to no one in my backyard, and MORE. This house is better than both of the other houses I wanted. And since we moved in, it feels like home. It IS home. This is where we are supposed to be. This is where I am supposed to be.
Still praising God,
A post-word of encouragement: If He did it for me, He can do it for you! Get yourself together to decide what you want and give it over to Him, without restricting the blessing He wants to put on what you ask for. God can bless you beyond what you can even dream, so allow Him to grow your faith and blow your mind!