When men, employers, members of an organization, etc. look at us, they look not only at our physical presentation, but also how we behave, our reputation, and what we bring to the table, then decide whether or not we are “worth it.”
So, while God values us, people may not, and many times it’s our own fault. Here are 5 common ways we women devalue ourselves and some simple suggestions for remedying it.
1. When we chase men. This phenomena is crazy. Why should we do the seeking or the chasing? We shouldn’t. “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure and he receives favor from The Lord.” Proverbs 18:22 [NLT] Okay, let’s try this again: the MAN who FINDS. Get it? We’re the treasure! Who do you know is going to chase you down to throw diamonds and gold at you? NO ONE. And that’s how men feel. They know no one is going to throw treasure at them, so when some of us throw ourselves at them, they do not believe we are treasure, that is, they do not VALUE us as treasure because we are not behaving like it.
THE SIMPLE FIX: Stop chasing. Don’t be desperate, be valuable. Work on yourself to build your self-confidence so you won’t feel the need to chase any man. Sure, you can “go for” who or what you want, and there is a way to do it, but chasing a man ain’t it. Remember, if he is even good enough to be in the running for you, he will make the effort and COME FOR YOU.
2. When we are the booty call. Again, crazy. That was back in college, and it wasn’t cool then, we just didn’t know it! When we are the booty call, let’s face it (and careful, I’m about to rip the scab offa this sucka), we are cheaper than a $5 hooker. Why, because we are ON CALL for FREE SEX. How outlandish is that? And we say “okay” to that everytime we do it. We’re practically shouting, “Free sex! Free sex!” And if you don’t place any VALUE on yourself, surely you don’t expect any of them to.
THE SIMPLE FIX: Stop giving away free sex. REQUIRE commitment, love, time, devotion, heck…require marriage if you want to place your value REALLY HIGH. And if he can’t meet your requirements, that’s absolutely fine…HE wasn’t worth you anyway. But, the right one is. Wait for him. You’re worth it.
3. When we show all the goodies. This ties in with # 1 and #2 above. Why advertise sex? Women who believe themselves to be valuable beyond sex don’t advertise it. The breasts are tamed, the skirt covers the booty, the pants cover the crack…you get the point. Of course we can dress in ways that flatter our figure, but at the same time we can be TASTEFUL and RESPECTABLE; sensual without being sexual. Regardless of whether we go to work or the club, to bible study or speed dating, to our children’s school or to the beach, there is always a way to dress that is decent and shows that we value and respect ourselves.
THE SIMPLE FIX: Cover the breasts. Cover the booty. Hide the crack. Show how well you look in clothes instead of publicly showing how well you think you look without them.
4. When we act a hot mess. All the cussing, loud talking, neck rolling, hot-tempered, hands flailing behavior is NOT attractive. It shows a lack of self-control, class, dignity, and self-worth. Truly a woman who valued herself would not behave that way, especially not publicly. A woman who values herself is not going to act a fool. Sure, there may be cause to be angry. But a GROWN woman can be angry AND classy at the same time. Who wants to hire a crazy woman? Who would choose to date a woman who is out of control? There is value in someone who can remain cool, calm, and collected and can think clearly in a variety of situations. Wouldn’t you want to be like that?
THE SIMPLE FIX: Just stop talking. Don’t react. Until you know what to do or what to say in tense situations, just don’t say or do anything. Wait until you are calm before you respond. Walk away. Tell whoever it is you’ll get back to them, let you think about it, whatever. Explain that you are not okay with the situation and it’s best you take time to process it before you respond. Whatever. “Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.” Proverbs 17:28 [NLT]
5. When we downplay our gifts and talents. “No one lights a lamp then puts it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house.” Matthew 5:15 [NLT] We are the light of the world, the salt of the earth. God has given us all gifts and/or talents to use to glorify Him by helping others. When we don’t do this, we devalue ourselves not to God, but to the world. The world has need for the gifts God has blessed us with. Take for example the Millionaire. If the Millionaire did not donate any of his wealth to any charity, what charity or organization would value him? He would still be valuable as a person, but not valuable according to what he was blessed with. And the same is true for all of us. If we are blessed with a great singing voice but refuse to sing, we are depriving someone of our gift. If we are blessed with the ability to write beautiful poetry, and refuse to write, we are depriving someone of the pleasure of our art. And when we deprive people of our gifts, we become less valuable in our purpose.
THE SIMPLE FIX: Shine! Let your little light shine! Whatever your gifts or talents are, develop them, show them, use them, share them! Don’t be afraid of what people may say; don’t be afraid of people talking badly about you to your face or behind your back. Your gifting probably isn’t for them anyway! You were given that gift to be about our Father’s business, so get to it!
We are all valuable in God’s eyes. Let’s make sure we accept this value and learn to value ourselves.
Peace and blessings,