Nowadays, there are too many of us good women confusing a man with a good man…and we are settling. Why? Is it that we don’t know what a good man is? Is it that we don’t know what a good man does? Or how a good man would treat us? Is it that we think we can’t do better or deserve better? Is it that we want to save a man? Or change him? Or wait it out until he changes? Ladies, we DO deserve better. We DON’T have to settle. We CAN’T save a man. We CAN’T change a man. And as my granddaddy use to say, “You can’t make a race horse out of a jackass.”
So, with that being said, I have learned from experience that there are a few things a good man won’t do. Now, when I say a “good” man, I simply mean a man with a good heart and good intentions. Here are a few of the things that I have noticed that a good man won’t do:
- One thing a good man won’t do is intentionally live off of anyone—you or anyone else. I’m not talking about a man who lost his job, but wants legal income and is looking. I’m not talking about a man who is married and has small children and he and his wife have jointly decided that HE would stay home with the kids. I’m not talking about a man who is disabled. I’m talking about able-bodied men who are mentally competent who make a unilateral decision to chill all day while someone supports their laziness. If a man is able-bodied and in his right mind, what’s good about him NOT working? What’s good about him NOT contributing to his own well-being? I have heard of what they call a man that intentionally lives off of a woman; last I heard he was called a pimp. Oh, yeah…I’ve also heard him called a boy, too.
- A second thing a good man won’t do is physically abuse you or anyone else (and he won’t stand idly by and let someone else do it either). A man who will beat a woman or anyone smaller than him, is NOT a good man. So, let me elaborate on this point. A good man does not hit, kick, push, spit on, spit at, smack, slap, buck up to, pimp slap, body slam, backhand, choke hold, or choke a woman out for ANY reason. Nor does he do that to his children, her children, their parents, etc. A good man is a protector. (Side note: If a woman hits a man, I believe he should be able to restrain her, have her arrested and prosecuted, sue her—whatever—but he doesn’t need to hit her. If he’s intelligent, he should be able to set aside his emotions in order to figure out another way to handle her besides hitting her.) Oh, yeah, and I’ve heard what they call a man who abuses a woman—a punk.
- A third thing a good man won’t do is call a woman anything other than her name or a term of endearment. “Honey, baby, love, sister, queen, lady, woman,” and any other term of endearment, or affection, or respect, is fine (depending on the nature of the relationship). These are all examples of respectful terms you wouldn’t mind being used in front of your grandparents. Suffice it to say, “b!##ch, ho (whore), slut, trick,” etc. (you get the point) are not acceptable terms of endearment, affection, or respect. And ladies, be careful what you answer to. If that’s not what you are, why accept it? Why answer to it? Just don’t.
- Another thing a good man won’t do is just watch a woman suffer. A good man will either offer to help her, actually do something to assist her, or suffer with her. He won’t sit on his butt and watch her crash and burn. One Christmas I bought a Christmas tree that was over 6 feet tall (I’m 5’6″.) The gentleman I bought it from helped me secure it to my car (I didn’t have to ask him.) Then, I got it home and brought it into my house while a different man watched me struggle bringing it in from his cushy place on the sofa. You don’t have to guess which man I appreciated.
- Yet another thing a good man won’t do is curse people. In other words, a good man won’t wish bad on anyone, especially his woman. He won’t “hope someone goes to hell.” He won’t “hope someone goes broke.” He won’t “hope someone gets heartbroken.” He won’t wish for someone to “catch an illness or disease and die.” And, he won’t take pleasure when people fail, especially his woman. Instead, he’ll continue to pray for himself and his own heart and will also pray for other people (especially his woman), including those who have hurt him in any way. A good man refuses to let the bad of others adversely affect him.
- A good man won’t be intentionally deceitful. He won’t consistently lie, tell lies of omission, or present himself to be someone or something he isn’t. He won’t talk in circles with the intention of being vague or confusing. A good man is who he says he is and does what he says he does. Period.
These are just a few of the basic characteristics of a good man. Whether a man is good for YOU, is a different story and possibly a future blog post. But, if a man you are dealing with lives off of you, abuses you, disrespects you, does not help you and actually stands by while you suffer, is not supportive of you, curses you, and/or lies to you, he isn’t a good man. It doesn’t matter how much money he has, how much education he has, or what his potential is. It doesn’t matter what he wears or the kind of car he drives. If he isn’t good right now, you are setting yourself up for some hard times and some heartache—and most likely, it’ll be a colossal waste of your time. Ask me, I know. Learn this so you won’t have to go through this. I pray the best for you….
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