So, you’re a good woman. You’ve been a good woman to your man. But, now you THINK he’s cheating on you. It’s not uncommon for women, even good women to suspect that their man is cheating; although Christian, you’re human and he’s human. He may have even given you “signs” that make you
THINK he’s cheating.
Or, maybe you just “have a feeling.” Whatever the reason, you now THINK he’s cheating. Before you go all crazy with worry and go off the deep end, take a deep breath and let’s get your head together. Since you are a good Christian wife, and you are NOT going to lose any part of your virtue behind this or anything else, let’s look at a few things that you are NOT going to do.
1. Even though you THINK he’s cheating, you are NOT going to lose your temper. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit; it is a virtue. You are going to remain in control of yourself. You are not going to yell and scream AT HIM (although you may do so when you’re alone), you’re not going to curse/cuss at him, you’re not going to throw things or break things, you’re not going to go out and cheat, you’re not going to act ugly in any way. God is not raising you to be like that.
2.Even though you THINK he’s cheating, you are NOT going to accuse him. Ask him? YES. Accuse him? NO. “So, babe, where did you go last night?” Or, “Honey, I was washing the clothes and couldn’t help notice the lipstick on your shirt. Where’d you get that from?” These are just two of several perfectly legitimate questions. If you start out with “I know you…” or “I’ll bet you…” you’re going to come off sounding accusatory. ASK what you want to know. Don’t make statements about what you think.
3. Even though you THINK he’s cheating, don’t lose your mind. Don’t let your mind start imagining the worse. Don’t start conjuring all sorts of details in your head of who, what, where, when, why, or how. Control your mind, control your thoughts. The Bible instructs us to think about “whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report….” See Philipians 4:8. So, keep your mind right. You still have to go to work, take care of the kids, handle your other responsibilities and live your life. You won’t be able to do any of that well if you lose your mind.
4. Even though you THINK he’s cheating, when you talk with your confidante, your best girlfriend, don’t talk bad about him (and certainly don’t allow her to). Actually, don’t talk badly about him to anyone. He is STILL your husband, and God has instructed you to honor him. You dishonor him, your marriage, and God if you talk badly about him.
5. Even though you THINK he’s cheating, you’re certainly NOT going to approach the woman, or any woman, you think he’s cheating with. Besides that being tacky and uncharacteristic of a virtuous wife, the other woman has nothing to do with your marriage. Whatever is going on is ultimately between you, him, and God. Not her. She has nothing to do with the covenant you two made with God. The problem isn’t with her; it’s with him. The world is filled with a gazillion “other women” and none of them are the problem in any marriage. They are simply parasites that cheating husbands need to get rid of. So whether he really IS cheating with that particular woman or not, you don’t really need to confront her, or go to her, about anything. Keep your power and confront him.
6. Even though you THINK he’s cheating, you don’t need to spend your waking moments playing Inspector Gadget. You don’t have to be sneaky finding out stuff. Just ask him for what you want to see. It shouldn’t be a problem. If you want to see his phone, ride with him when he says he’s just going to the store, or take a walk with him when he say’s he’s just going walking down the street, just ask him. If he has something that’s in plain view, it should not be a problem for you to see it. Caution: remember, you don’t KNOW he’s cheating. You only THINK he’s cheating. You don’t want to become a distrustful little pest AND be wrong. Use good judgment when asking to see his personal stuff or when asking to go along. Don’t over do it. And if you can go without seeing anything at all, even better. God will show you what you need to know in due time anyway.
7. Even though you THINK he’s cheating, treat him well. As mentioned before, you must honor him. Don’t let your suspicions be a reason for treating your king poorly. You vowed to love and honor him. You vowed this before God. Whatever you THINK he is doing does not void your vows before God. So, continue to be pleasant. Keep yourself up. Cook, clean, tend to the children. Continue with your wifely duties and have an attitude about it like you are happy to do it because you are serving God. Again, don’t let what you THINK cause you to be less than who you are.
So, my sisters, I hope this helps a little. It may not help you to feel better, but at least it should give your mind some direction until the truth is truly revealed to you. And as always, remain…
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If you want to read more, check out this blog post Love Deprivation In Marriage or my book Grown & Virtuous: 28 Simple Lessons To Unveil the Spiritual Diva In You.