Some people confuse being alone with being lonely. I can assure you; it’s quite different. I, for instance, am divorced, unattached, single…alone…at least in the sense of being in a relationship. However, I am NOT lonely. Lonely is when someone has a degree of depression or despair about not being in a relationship. So, that’s not me. Not only am I NOT lonely, I consider myself “flying solo.” Solo, because I am alone, single. And “flying” because I am soaring and not even the sky is the limit.
I want to take a closer look at loneliness vs. flying solo. When someone is lonely– and let’s talk about loneliness in the sense of being in a relationship–she has a need, often unhealthy, to be with a man. She doesn’t feel “complete” without a man. She needs a man to validate her self-worth. Cognitively, she may know that she is worthy of a good man, but, emotionally, she doesn’t feel that she is worthy. Or, she may “need” a man to make her feel special, or important, or even happy. And if she doesn’t have a man to contribute to her well-being in this way, she ends up feeling lonely.
This is unhealthy.
This need is unhealthy because anytime a woman looks for a man to complete her, to make her feel special, important, or happy, she is looking for something outside of herself that can only come from our God within. Until she realizes this, both mentally AND emotionally as well as spiritually, she’ll always be unhappy…she may always be lonely. The only thing a man could really do is put a bandaid on a bigger problem that she has. A man can’t heal her. Focusing on having a man instead of working on herself and her self-growth and self-esteem will only rob her of her days, weeks, months, or even years. Misplaced focus, misplaced dreams is a time-stealer. Everyone has her own purpose in life. No one should waste time pinning after a man she doesn’t have. Let’s spend our days building His kingdom and our own queendom.
(Side note: I’m not saying that needing a man is wrong. Needing a man for the wrong reason is wrong. Been there, done that, learned from that. Needing a man, the right man, for the right reasons at the right time, is right. I, personally, don’t need one right now because this isn’t the right time for one. He would only be a distraction right now. I have things that I need to do first, some of which involve working on ME. BUT, when the time is right, I’m sure God will send him my way; and then, and only then, will I “need” him (for companionship, healthy love, etc.)).
Flying solo is about just that: building His kingdom and your own queendom. It’s about discovering your own God-given purpose. It’s about developing your God-given talents and sharing them with the world. It’s about dreaming and going after those dreams. It’s about becoming the best woman you can be. It’s about getting excited about the freedom you have to do what God is calling you to do without distraction. Flying solo is about getting excited about the desires God has placed in your heart, knowing that whatever you truly desire, you can have. Whatever you really want for YOU, you can obtain. Flying solo is knowing that whatever kind of woman you want to become, you can do it. With or without a man. It doesn’t depend on a man.
It depends on you.