Assuming you’re not a people pleaser, what’s the first thing you want to say when someone asks you to do something that you don’t want to do? NO! A big, fat, resounding NO! If it’s not in your nature to take any B.S., disrespect, or anything else that would generally or specifically waste your time, the answer would be NO, right?
But let me ask you this: How does NO really serve you? Of course say NO to drugs, abuse, and all of the obvious scenarios, but, I challenge you to say YES to everything else.
Why?Because saying YES helps you to evoke a spirit of cooperation, which is what you want in your relationships, your job, your business, etc., right? You want to generate situations where you are cooperating with people because when you are cooperating with people, they want to be around you, they find you likable, maybe even enjoyable; they value you, and consider you to be flexible. A cooperative person is a desirable person.
So, how can you say YES without being a pushover or downright fool? Here’s how….
Look for the “win-win” in the situation, where they win AND you win. Here’s how it may look on your job:
Your boss may ask you to work 24 hours travelling over the weekend and it’s your weekend off and you had planned to spend it with your family. Instead of telling your boss NO (which may not be a good look for you), just say “Yes, I can do that for you, but since I’ve already made plans with my family for the weekend, I CAN do that for you AND I will have to take my family along on the trip. Where will WE be staying?” In this case, you’ve said YES, when you really wanted to say NO, and you’ve put the ball in their court–so to speak. So, most likely, you’ll get to take your family on the trip, or your BOSS will be the one to say NO, and you won’t have to go. It’s a special kind of boss at this point that will still make you try to go, at this point, without your family.
Here’s how it may look in your business:
You have a potential client that wants some one-on-one time with you to discuss your business. Say “YES, we can schedule some time to talk and I will need you to look at XYZ before we talk so you’ll have great questions for me, okay?” Again, this put’s the ball in your client’s court. If s/he doesn’t do what you ask, then s/he doesn’t get that one-on-one time with you, i.e., s/he doesn’t get the opportunity to waste your time.
Here’s how may look with your kids (and you probably already do this without even thinking about it):
Your child wants to hangout with her friends and you told her two days ago to clean her room. “YES, you can go see your friend—as soon as you clean your room.” Yep, look for the win-win.
Here’s how it may look in a relationship:
Your boyfriend has been dying for the two of you to live together. You’re not sure you’re ready. This is one thing you can say, “YES, sweetie, I’d love to live with you as soon as you put a ring on it!” The ball’s back in his court. Enough said.
You can find a way to say YES in almost any situation that won’t hurt you. And IT’S OKAY to look for the win-win in these situations. After all, why should someone else benefit and you walk away feeling dishonored, disrespected, taken advantage of , depressed, crappy, angry, resentful and/or any other negative feeling you can think of while they’re all smiley and sitting pretty? No! You BOTH should be smiley and sitting pretty!
So, the next time you want to say NO, when there is a way for you to say YES, try this and see how it works for you. Don’t be afraid to stand your ground. Be clear. Be reasonable. You may be pleasantly surprised.
In the spirit of cooperation,
Disclaimer: Use your best judgment. This is an art and requires skill. If you need your job and are in danger of losing it, don’t go to the extreme with this. And, also, don’t bother if it’s something petty. A simple NO is just fine. And as I said, use your best judgment.
If you got something from this post, you may like another post, The Crap You Tolerate Could Hurt You. And don’t forget to click to like, comment, or share at the bottom!