We’ve all heard of “quiet desperation,” which is when someone is suffering in silence, maybe feeling desperate to have a particular need met. Many times we only learn of their desperation after their suffering is over. At this point we usually hear someone say things like, “I didn’t know she was going through all THAT!” Or, “I had no idea. She never said a word.”
Loud desperation, on the other hand, is apparent to those “on the outside looking in.” If you look at a person’s life, the things they do, you can tell if they are desperate because they are living their desperation OUT LOUD. Here are some examples of loud desperation:
1. shopping sprees when you are heavily in debt and everyone knows it
2. arguing over pennies
3. cheating people (or trying to) out of their money
In Relationships (loud desperation for love, companionship):
1. having sex with several different men in a short time span
2. dating just anybody (“looking for love in all the wrong places”)
3. tolerating physical abuse (the bruises show)
4. bouncing between relationships or jumping in and out of relationships or juggling men
5. tolerating disrespect (being talked to any kind of way and being called anything)
6. stalking behaviors
7. obsessing about men, having a man, not having a man, etc.
8. having sex with a married man (and he’s not YOUR husband)
9. staying in a relationship with the wrong man out of fear of being alone
In Health (loud desperation for love, acceptance, relief, change, rest, knowledge, etc.):
1. being obviously overweight
2. being obviously underweight
3. hair falling out
4. being tired all the time
5. major skin breakouts
6. broken veins
7. poor dental hygiene
Emotionally (loud desperation for love, relief from emotional pain, etc.):
1. depression (deep sadness, feeling of hopelessness, not getting out of bed, finding no joy in life, etc.)
2. crying spells, particularly in public
3. inappropriate uncontrollable laughing, particularly in public
4. irrational anger with or without violent outbursts
5. withdrawal from, and avoidance of, people you love and who love you back
These are just a few examples of living in loud desperation, exhibiting not-so-quiet screams for help. Several people live in loud desperation everyday, so if this is you, you are not alone. It may be that you have “always been this way.” It may be that you never realized you needed help; that this was just the way you coped with your life or the way you’ve seen life lived by others. But I ask, how is this working for you long term? These examples of loud desperation may seemingly help you short term, but you never really get what you NEED.
Help is out there, but getting the help will require you to face the fact that something is not right with your inner woman and you need healing and transformation. It requires you to be willing to put aside your pride and/or fear, dig deep, get at the root(s) of your inner crap, tell the truth, then battle the problem(s), the misconception there. Seek help from a counselor, life coach, pastor or minister. Establish a good support group (among good family and friends who love you and are good examples for you) and an accountability partner. Get into a program or join a group that can help you. If any of this seems too overwhelming to start with, then start with a good self-help book; the Holy Bible is a great “self-help” book. Also, my book may help to start you off, put you on the right track, support you, and help you to wrap your mind around some of the signs of loud desperation that you may have. Whatever you choose to do, DO SOMETHING. The quality of your life depends on it.
Also, I’m thinking of spending more time helping women directly, so if this sounds like you in this blogpost, go to the “Contact Joy” tab and send me a message or leave a comment below.
If you found value in this post, you may also like 8 Ways to Stop Sleeping With A Broken Heart. Please don’t forget to like, comment, and/or share this post! You’ll never know who may need it.