You keep waiting for him to change. You’re tired of paying the bills by yourself, cleaning by yourself, taking care of the kids by yourself, and being taken advantage of . He doesn’t even want to work because no job is good enough, or because he’s tired of his boss “disrespecting” him, or some other lame excuse. And besides all of that, he doesn’t even treat you right.
So what’s a girl to do? That all depends on what you want. If you want to kick him to the curb, then you don’t need to read any further. BUT, if you want your husband, if you want your marriage, if you want him to
Assuming your husband professes to be Christian, he is also bound by the word of God. And what the word of God says for you is that your godly life “will speak to him without words.” He “will be won over by observing your pure and reverent” life. (See 1 Peter 3:1-2 [NLT]) In other words, he will change because of the godly woman you are becoming. You should strive to have a “gentle and quiet spirit,” “sympathize with each other,” “love each other… be tenderhearted and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil” or retaliate with insults. “Instead, pay them back with a blessing. This is what God called you to do and he will bless you for it.” (See 1 Peter 3:4, 8-9 [NLT])
- So, how does this look when you put this into practice? Below are some tips. Read on….Stop arguing. Something cool eventually happens when you stop arguing: he stops arguing too. Why? Well, who wants to look crazy arguing by themselves? So, unless he’s crazy, he’ll eventually shut up. Say what you have to say and be done with it. Stand your ground. If compromise is in order, then compromise according to God’s will and that’s it.
- Stop whining, nagging, and yelling. Has it gotten you anywhere thus far? No! if it ain’t workin’ for you, don’t do it. If you keep on, it’ll just frustrate you more, and you don’t need that.
- Have zero tolerance. Don’t tolerate lies, foolishness, disrespect, etc. Change your posture in your marriage. If you have been tolerating crap, then it may take a while to see change in him because you’re the one that needs to change first. As you start to consistently hold him accountable for lies, foolishness, communication errors, and/or disrespect and he sees that there are consequences (not punishment or retaliation) to his actions and behavior, he will begin to change. But only if you are consistent.
- Pray for him. Pray for him to truly be a godly man. Not so much what YOU would want, but what God wants in and from him. When God builds a man, just know that you can’t do better than that!
- Appreciate the good in him. Sometimes you may get so overwhelmed with the bad that it’s hard to see the good. Ask God to change your heart so that you can see the good in your husband and celebrate him.
- Learn a different way to talk to him. He has his own style. There are certain ways to say certain things to him that will cause him to want to be more receptive to you. It’s different from man to man, so you must study your man. For example, telling him in a demanding way, “Oh, you gon’ git a job! Huh!” while rolling your eyes, will only make him want to do the opposite just to spite you, if he’s that kind of man. But, if you figure out how you can say what you really mean and say it in a way that he can receive it, you both will be better off for it.
- Go about your business. Don’t check on him all the time. Be concerned with your own life and your own growth and your own progress. Most men who are worth their weight in gold will be inspired by your progress. (Caution: This is not necessarily true for those who have a vagabond spirit. And if he has a vagabond spirit, this spirit must be cast out.)
- Don’t emasculate him. If you say or do something that causes him to feel less than a man, that’s exactly what you may get. His actions and behavior may get worse. Or, he may just get gone.
- Be careful not to treat him like a child. If you have a parent-child relationship with your husband, sex won’t be good, date night won’t be fun, and you will wonder if THIS is all there is. Insist on being the wife. Take your place as the wife. If he’s got it in him, he’ll step up to be your husband. Many times, just like children, men will do whatever they can get away with. Don’t settle for this parent-child relationship. Neither of you will ever be fulfilled this way. Change the dynamics of your relationship.
So, in a nutshell, if you want to see
in your man, change will have to first start with you: the way you talk to him and about him, the way you treat him, and the way you behave when you’re with him and even when you’re not. God can do amazing things in your marriage. Let Him start with YOU.
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Check out one of my other posts: Failure To Thrive