So, the movie, The Perfect Guy, is now out. This movie, starring Sanaa Lathan, Michael Ealy, and Morris Chestnut is a really good movie. I won’t give you any spoilers, but I will say this: it’s a movie that should have many of us women reconsidering what we believe qualifies a man as “the perfect guy.”
Sadly, when too many of us meet a man, we may have that initial physical attraction, but let him say or do the right thing and we already try to find ways to put him in the “perfect” category without disqualifying him on any important level. Ladies, yes, we are emotional creatures (and they know this), but at some point we have got to be smarter than that. We have got to think with our heads and not so much with our hearts—at least initially.
When I think about some of my own “perfect guy” mishaps, and those of some of my friends and other women I have spoken with, there are some no-brainers that we overlooked–I mean, some of us didn’t even consider them. Here are 6 of the most obvious things I think we women should consider before allowing ourselves to become head-over-heels in love with “the perfect guy:”
1. LIVING SITUATION–Where does this man live and who does he live with? How do you know? Have you set foot in his place? Have you seen a utility bill (for THAT address) in his name? Is he a neat freak or is he junky as heck? Can you live with that? And is his bathroom clean? Can you call at ANY hour of the day or night? A person’s home/living situation can tell a lot about a person. Don’t overlook what his home situation is telling you.
2. CAREER/JOB–Where does this man work? For how long? How long has he been in his field (of work)? How do you know? Have you been there? And if he doesn’t work, how is he independently wealthy? How do you know? What special talents does he have related to his work (if any)? Is he able to support himself? Is he able to independently manage his own financial responsibilities? What’s his work ethic like–is he a hard/smart worker who takes pride in his work, or is he just barely doing the work to collect a paycheck? A man’s attitude about what he does to earn a legitimate income says a lot about him. Don’t overlook this either.
3. FAMILY BACKGROUND–Where is he from? Does he come from a two-parent home or a single parent home? Was he adopted or a foster child? If so, how does he feel about that? Does he have siblings or is he an only child? Have you met anyone in his family? If not, why not? If so, did they give you any insight into his childhood? Was his life easy, hard, or neutral? Was he loved and cared for or was he abused and/or neglected? All of this info contributes to who a man is, who a person is, and should not be overlooked. In fact, pay very close attention to this area.
4. FRIENDS–Birds of a feather flock together. Who’s he hanging with? Who are his friends and what do they do for a living? Are they independent and accomplished? Are they couch potatoes or thugs? Do they have their own place or do they live at home with their mama? Do they have their own money or are they always borrowing from Peter, Paul, and your potential “perfect guy”? What do they think of women and how do they treat them? Which brings me to my next point….
5. WOMEN HISTORY–This may be kind of hard to figure out, so you’ll need to watch and listen–for a minute. Does he respect women? Does he speak well of women or does he refer to them as sluts, hoes, and b**ches? Does he speak well of his mother? His sisters? How does he speak to you? If he has a “baby mama” how does he refer to her? Does he have baby mama drama? Does he have any other female popping up on him, blowing up his phone all hours of the day and night? How does he treat you? Does he treat you the way you like to be treated? If so, does it seem like it’s coming from his heart…like he genuinely cares for you? Or could it be that he just wants to have sex with you or get something else from you? Does he listen to you? Does he show interest in what you have to say? Does he express interest in you, your life, your future? Pay attention, ladies. Is it really YOU that he wants or do you only have the ability to fill a need (or needs) that he has? And if it’s not about you, then it’s about HIM, and he is NOT “the perfect guy” after all.
6. CRIMINAL RECORD–Ok. So, does he have one? Have you checked or are you taking his word for it? At the very least, do a google search or a google image search for him to see what you get back. But, if he has a record, is it something you can live with? Or are you setting yourself up to be victimized? Or maybe you won’t be victimized; maybe you’ll just get caught up in the activities that landed him in jail in the first place. If he wasn’t in jail for civil rights protests or something else positive, and he does in fact have a record, you may have a lot to think about.
Let’s wake up, ladies. Let’s develop a healthy sense of awareness and emotional common sense so that we can prevent ourselves from unnecessary heartache that relationships with seemingly “perfect guys” brings.