People in general, but women in particular, have been through a whole lot and continue to go through a whole lot. From childhood to womanhood, we’ve had daddy issues, mommy issues, issues with friends and school, health issues, job issues, children issues, and man issues. One thing that I keep hearing said to, or about, some women is that “she needs a man to validate her.” And most often, the response is, “I don’t need anyone to validate me!”
And sometimes that’s true.
There truthfully are some women who need to be validated. They need someone’s approval, someone to say they are worthy, someone to say they are worth it — because they have never been told that and have never felt it, and may not even believe themselves to be worthy. They need to know that they are okay and are enough just as they are. And it’s not funny. Women who honestly have a need to be validated by someone are hurting, and pain is no laughing matter. Yes, it’s sad. And what they need from people, in general, is support while they figure things out, not to be belittled or degraded. They either did not get something they needed at a crucial time in their lives, or they had it, but somehow lost it through a devastating event. Whatever the case, it’s nothing for them to be ashamed of. They need to find a way to heal.
Then, there are other women, who don’t need to be validated as people might think. They don’t need approval and they KNOW they are enough. Instead, these women have a need to be vindicated. I will put myself out there and say that I have been in this category. When you have a need to be vindicated, you’re not looking for anyone’s approval that you are good enough, or worthy, instead you want to be cleared of any and all accusations regarding your motives and/or character. For example, you want it proven that you are NOT a gold digger, that you are NOT a cheater, that you are NOT selfish, or anything else that you are accused of being. You want it known that you made it to the top because you are intelligent, not because you are good-looking and made it to the top flat on your back — or on your knees. When you have a need to be vindicated, you want it proven that you are where you are, or are going where you’re going, because you deserve to be there, not because of any alleged shortcut, trickery, or use or misuse of anyone else’s “power” or position.
Side Note: This is one of the reasons you may hear a strong woman say, “I don’t need a man.” So many take this the wrong way. Here’s the deal (this may be in a separate blog post later): If a strong woman is intelligent, creative, driven, knows how to get her point across, has great people skills, knows what she wants, validates herself, and has God directing her path, then NO, she does not need a man. She does not need a man to think for her, create for her, push for her, talk for her, decide for her, or make her good enough, because she recognizes that she IS all that and with God, she’s got all that. She doesn’t need a man to make it through life, accomplish her goals, or pursue her dreams. For a strong woman, a man is an enhancement to her already God-directed life (as she is an enhancement to his), not a stepping stone to a better one. She recognizes that God completes her, not man.
Okay, back to vindication…. If you have a strong need to be vindicated, chances are you have your guard way up and it most likely isn’t necessary…anymore. Through months (maybe even years) of prayer, what I came to realize was that the need to be vindicated kept me from my complete healing and deliverance. What I didn’t realize was that God had already vindicated me and I didn’t have to prove anything else to anyone else. The Holy Spirit told me, then showed me, in a way that I could understand, that I need to truly let go and let God. The Holy Spirit showed me that if I was going to heal, I had to trust that God had me, so I didn’t need to be on the defensive, I no longer had anything to prove. The Holy Spirit reminded me of what love really is and showed me that that was the key to my healing. He showed me that I could experience a renewal of my mind and a healing of my heart, or I could hang onto “proof” of how I was wronged in order to prove that I was good, but I could not have both. I had to be willing to accept the vindication of the Holy Spirit by letting go of the need to vindicate myself. And so I did.
It says in 1 Corinthians 4:5 [NLT] that love “keeps no record of being wronged.” And so there it was. If you keep track of all the times you were wronged, that’s not walking in love. If you keep track of the names you’ve been called, the things you been accused of, the ways you have been misused and/or abused, YOU are holding yourself back from the love and peace that you need to move forward in your life. By looking for vindication from something or someone that may never come, you are holding yourself back from love, peace, and better blessings. So what if people think you are a gold digger? Don’t worry about proving anything to them; you’re not living your life for them, you’re living it for you and your God. So what if you are accused of being a cheater? You may as well let that go too, because you can never prove that you’re NOT doing something that you are not doing.
Basically, don’t worry about what people accuse you of being or doing; don’t worry about being vindicated. Mind your business, walk in love (1 Corinthians 4:4-7), and let God direct your path. Focus on Him and His will for you. See where He is directing your paths and let him renew your mind, heal your heart, nurture your soul, and feed your spirit along the way.
This is your vindication.
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