Wait? Oh heck naw! I had never been good at waiting. And from my conversations with different sistas, I have learned that I am not alone. The main thing that many women seem to be waiting for is a man. I guess that was me in my late 20s and in my 30s, but after having kids and being divorced, waiting on a man is not something I am currently doing.
How did I get to this point?
Well, I have done some of the things I’ve wanted to do: get married, have kids (not necessarily in that order), go to college…whatever. So when I look back at my life thus far, I’m at peace with the fact that I have had these experiences. And being at peace meant that I no longer felt the urgency to find my Boaz, or my Adam, or to have him find me. My experiences (with men and marriage) showed me how I had been ignorant and immature, taught me how strong and resilient I am, helped me to take inventory of my life, and actually empowered me to live and define goals for myself, by myself. I’ve learned a lot and I have vowed that my lessons will not go to waste.
So…wait for a man? I am not. It’s more like I am waiting for whatever, and whoever, God has for me. See, I am not a woman who has her purpose wrapped up in a man. I am not a woman who believes a man, any man, completes her. I am the woman who knows that my purpose, my completeness, and wholeness, starts and ends with God…not man. My healing, my happiness, my love, my creativity, my inspiration, all comes from God. I recognize He may use people to accomplish what He wants in me, and I recognize that He alone is my Source.
And He has given me stuff to do. I need to be about my purpose, my assignment, the assignment He has given me. His word says to “delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and petitions of your heart.” Psalm 37:4 AMP And “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33 KJV I took these scriptures to mean that I need to first do what I’m supposed to do, then I will get what I’m supposed to get.
It’s just like with anything in life. Isn’t that the natural order of things? Isn’t this what we teach our kids? We teach our kids to first do their chores, then they can play outside. And first get good grades, then they can have that special something they want. Even on the job, first you work, then you get paid. And the boss may say, “first increase your productivity, then you can get a raise.” Or, with your health first learn to eat better, then you can lose weight and get healthier. So, it’s the same thing with God. First work on yourself and what you are supposed to do and who you are supposed to become, and the rest, the rewards, will follow.
There is a place and time for everything.
But we get caught up doing things out of order because of what we want, instead of doing what we need to do. In this way, we cause our own torment. When women get so preoccupied with having a man, a good bit of mental and physical energy is misplaced on a man instead of being focused on themselves. Some of us don’t seem to recognize that once we work in cooperation with God to get to that “sweet spot” in life with God, then we will get what we want…maybe even the right man.
This is my recommendation for all women preoccupied with getting a man: take inventory of your accomplishments. Work on your own self and life improvement/evolvement. It’s okay to want a man. It’s not okay to neglect your self-betterment. If you’ve always wanted a career change, work towards that! If you’ve always wanted to be involved with a charity, go do it! If you want to go back to school, go for it! If you want to travel to a different country, make it happen! If you want to start a business, go for it! Live your life while you wait! Become the woman God would have you to be. Don’t waste your time simply waiting. Make the most of your time, and find a way to be happy doing it.
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