Many women long for a healthy, happy, fulfilling marriage–a marriage where they can share their hopes and dreams, give the best of themselves, and receive unconditional love in return. But nowadays, there seems to frequently be something missing. We focus on our jobs, taking care of kids, cleaning the house, caring for our elderly parents–we don’t seem to notice what’s missing. Too often, what’s missing is US–or THEM.
In order to have what we long for, we must lead INTERDEPENDENT lives within our marriage. Your presence must be obvious in your husband’s life, and his in yours. Your lives must be intertwined. You two must be totally involved in each others lives. No more, Miss Independent and Mr. Bachelor. You two are now Mr. & Mrs. GodlyAndDoinTheDarnThang!
So, basically, YOUR PRESENCE IS REQUIRED in your husband’s life and his in yours. There are several ways to be present in each others lives:
1. The obvious: Wear Your Wedding Bands! When you are out in public, you should not have to open your mouth to say that you are married. One look at your left hand should answer that question. If you’re at the gym working out, and don’t want to wear it on your hand, then either wear your band on a chain around your neck or wear a t-shirt that says, “I’m married.” Or, at the very least, anyone (particularly those of the “opposite” sex) you happen to have a conversation with should be informed by you that you are married.
2. Discuss the good and the bad of each others day. Coping with problems and celebrating successes together has a way of strengthening the bond between you.
3. Do little things together. Occasionally (or all the time, if you desire) go grocery shopping together, do yard work or housework together…heck, go to Walmart together! Remember, it’s the little things that count.
4. If you go somewhere without your hubby, mention him (positively and appropriately) in conversation. You should never have your spouse in a situation where someone later says to him, “I didn’t know she was married!” Trust me, it’s not a good feeling.
5. Carry a picture of your husband with you. If no one else gets to see it, that’s okay. You always can. Make sure he has a picture of you to carry as well.
6. Always let each other know where the other is. Call it “checkin’ in,” “ball and chain,” “shackles,” or whatever else you want. Since you two have been joined in holy matrimony, and are now made “one,” it’s only right, and in many cases, necessary for you two to know where you each are at any given time. No secrets!
7. Date nights are a must! Having fun on purpose is key. This time allows your presence to be fully known and definitely enjoyed. Time off from paying bills, taking care of kids, working, and all other things that keep you away from each other as a couple. There are 7 nights/days in a week; pick one. It’s bonding time!
8. If you have to be out of town and away from each other, do facetime or skype to be as present as possible. At the very least, talk by phone daily.
9. Help with each others careers/jobs/education whenever possible and appropriate. Whether it’s doing tax stuff, passing out flyers, providing information, or just burning the midnight oil, you should be there for each other and have each other’s back.
If you get creative, I’m sure you can come up with other ways to be involved and present in each others’ lives in ways that honor both of you.
As always, here’s some scripture you may want to meditate on:
Matt. 12:25 about a kingdom divided against itself
Mark 10:8-9 about two being united into one and no one splitting them up
1 Corinthians 7:4-5 about husbands and wives having authority over each other
Ephesians 5:28-33 about husbands loving their wives as they love themselves and wives respecting their husbands